With our heads held high

First Manifesto Of The Makrelengeiger (Mackerel Fiddlers)

    We, the Mackerel Fiddlers, are fed up with thousands of years of sonority's hegemony. Through our existence we aspire to change the world. We do this deliberately and in full possession of our mental capacities, even though we only use ten percent of it.

    Fable #1: Imagine a knobby oak, its roots penetrating deep into the cool and damp earth, its crown elongating far into the starry sky. This tree is a metaphor, emblematic and sensuous at the same time, as it reveals in wondrous ways the craft of the Mackerel Fiddlers, for the tree has no trunk. Lust for activity, this urge, as well as the result, the work, all are there. But the bridge is blurred and undefined.
    The trunk in its classical musical meaning is the deliberate and controlled realisation of a musician's idea of sound. Every artist lacks a bit of the trunk, be it only a small piece of bark. Thus every artist is also to a small extent a dilettante. Some of them may find this lack of perfection annoying. Instead, we take up this facet, we enjoy it, and we enforce it. Hence we will name this mentality dilettantephilism. It is not necessary therefore to be able to play an instrument, to understand the basics of music, or even to be gifted. All this might even be impedimental. We are not afraid of our own incapacity. To please others is negligible, yet not condemnable. Mackerel Fiddlers have feelings, too.

    Observation #1: Stardom is an evil of our time. The star is a detached sprite, blindfolding others by means of his position; greed, megalomania and arrogance are only the tip of the iceberg. We neutralise stars. We pitchfork ourselves to their level, even though we do not practise as much because even people who only practise a little or not at all have the right to act as musicians. And anyway, everybody can decide for themselves what to do in their spare time.

    Fable #2: Our roots origin in the humus of our own elitist sediment.

    Axiom #1 (Thesis of Absorption aka Musical Imperialism): One Mackerel Fiddler m in an undefined set N of melodious musicians will transform this set N to set N' by the activity f (mackerel fiddling). N' is a defined subset of the Mackerel Fiddlers.
    Example of practical application of the Thesis of Absorption: We set value on developing a form of viral resistance by systematic infiltration of symphonic orchestras. A New Year's Concert of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra (1984) could have been transformed by at least one Mackerel Fiddler and Austria's image would have been ruined worldwide.

    Axiom #2
    (advanced Thesis of Absorption): Additionally to the formation of the new set N' it is inevitable that a formerly spotless set P (audience) gets absorbed by set N'. This will happen mainly through coughing, clapping, or statements of resentment. This side-effect is an inherent component of the Mackerel Fiddlers' music, no part of set P can refuse to play their part. To help the audience out of the dilemma of becoming part of the Mackerel Fiddlers by any utterance of sound, we have specially created a meta language. This meta language solely consists of the following words:
    1. psalm
    2. the Punch
    3. bravo
    4. bishop
    5. chipboard
    6. devil-may-care

    The utterances are decidedly not part of the course of action g. With that we create a secluded ttz (temporary thesis-based zone).

    Postulate #3: We make use of the even dissemination of sound waves.

    Reprobate: Sound storage media. It's dead. We, however, live, love, breathe! Sound storage media undermines the dogmata of the advanced Thesis of Absorption in a malicious way. Iniquity! We veto the production and reproduction of sound storage media containing mackerelised fiddling. Any form of illegal trading and distribution, as well as possession of such media can be categorised as hazardous. Black-market activities shall be smashed.

    Thesis #4:
    Mackerel Fiddlers are to be worshiped.

    Thesis #4a (Rule of Embarrassment): These days, self-production and 'embarrassment sells' have become the golden rules of media, be it radio, TV, or telegraph. Thus it is not only legitimate to be ashamed of ones activity as a Mackerel Fiddler, it is also thankworthy. Failure is beautiful! Disgrace is sunshine!
    Martyrdom is negligible, yet not condemnable! Mackerel Fiddlers have feelings, too.

    Idle Promises:
    Plastic bags may be burned without leaving hazardous residues.
    Mackerel Fiddlers are also capable of carrying out root canal treatments.

Being Leonard Bernstein means to be against this manifesto!

To fiddle fire and brimstone!