Every musical genre gets the fans it deserves

In the summer of 2001 I wrote a little article called "Whatever happened to Stoner Rock?". Nothing happened.

Suddenly in September 2003 a little e-mail dropped into my box at cracked69@hotmail.com. This is what it read:

------------------------------

god of thunder jesuskyuss@yahoo.com
cracked69@hotmail.com

you have no idea what the fuck you are writing about, do you?

stoner rock is dead? on what planet? Holy shit...

go back to buying more overpriced springsteen bootlegs you capitalist fuck.

blow yourself.
love
your mom

Of course, I replied.

---------------------------------

Hi God Of Thunder (or should I call you Baal, or rather mum),
Stoner Rock is dead. On this planet. Maybe you are from another planet.

Well, at least you commented. I would have appreciated if you at least wrote your name.

"your mum" - that is a little cowardly, isn't it?
Go ahead, tell me the name of one band that has done something "new" in Stoner Rock in the last year?

And then check if that band wants to be called a "Stoner Rock-Band" or not?

Josh Homme wants to hear nothing of it. Fu Manchu? That is a pure rock-band – nothing stoner about it.

So, what is left? I can't see anything. If you find a decent, new Stoner Rock band, please tell me,

cause I'd really like to know.
And from where did you get the idea that I am "capitalist"? From the articles against globalisation,
against Starbucks and the commentaries on my website?

And one more: Bruce Springsteen had more original ideas and good songs in his last record

than "Stoner Rock" had in the last five years. (and I never bought a bootleg - I always rip them.)
You sound like one of these live-in-the-past hippie-types who still mourn Jerry Garcia, only that
Stoner Rock is your shtick, you use more swear-words and think you are a tough man.

Why don't you get out of the past and start living in the present. 
yours truly
Georg

For days, nothing happened. Suddenly, another e-mail by jesuskyuss:

-------------------------

god of thunder jesuskyuss@yahoo.com
Georg Cracked <cracked69@hotmail.com>

oh i'm very sorry georg, did i insult your limited intelligence by stating that you are
capitalist...well...whatever....
i was just making a point. your article was just the greatest piece of informative journalism that i had
ever read & i felt i needed to comment on it. 
as far as hiding, i never really check this email. you should direct all of your further poor attempts at
a reply to :
slowpoke mc choke @ nicefaceloser.com
hippy? i hate 'em. jerry garcia? better off dead. please tell me what band i can listen to to make me
feel more up-to-date and live in the present. 
pussy...
yours truly,
satan
ps i hope i ruined your day.

Wow, someone clever enough to call me stupid because he called me something I ain't. Someone who can't tell

the difference between calling someone a hippie and comparing someone to a hippie. Someone who ain't cowardly

hiding but still keeps on giving fake-names and email-adresses. Someone who's argumentative power culminates in

"whatever..." And most important of all, someone who is angry because I said, Stoner Rock is dead, but can't

give one little reason, why it isn't. This guy is so ignorant and arrogant, he must be related to George W. Bush.

Of course, I replied.

-------------------------

Hi slowpoke – jesus – kyuss – god of thunder – satan – whatever you call yourself today,
I don’t think I ever met somebody as stupid as you. But I’ll make it easy and simple for you:

please tell me one good reason why you think that stoner rock is not dead?

One band or record from the last year that is original enough to prove that.

If you give me just one good reason, I'll clean that article, that offended you so much, right off my website.
Well, can’t think of anything? Thought so.
As far as ruining my day – don’t flatter yourself. We are all having a nice chuckle at your ignorance.
Yours
Georg Cracked


Next thing, my new friend took about a week of had thinking and going through his record collection

and he came up with this:

-------------------------

From: god of thunder

Reply-To: jesuskyuss@yahoo.com

To: Georg Cracked

Subject: Re: stoner rock

georg

you are a pussy if you erase your opinion of

something off of your site because of something i may

or may not say. if you believe in your opinion about

something, stick to it. you are a giant fuckin infant

if you stoop that low. i had just about gained some

respect back for you at this point, then you say

something that fuckin lame.

three words while you erase your article you fuckin

bitch-ass pussy boy:

H I G H

O N

F I R E

nuff said

sucker

Surprise, he answered my question and it only took him about a week! Unfortunately, he made two errors.

Here is my reply:

-------------------------

Hi sucker,

High on Fire are great. But not Stoner Rock. see this: http://www.monochrom.at/cracked/reviews/Rev%20HighonFire.htm What are you gonna bring next: St. Vitus? Tool?

There is no way you are ever gonna find a reason that will prove to me that Stoner Rock is not dead. That is why I can say that I will erase my article, if you do - because it will never happen.

Generally, I'd say that sticking to your own opinion even if you have been proven wrong is stupid.

Have a nice day

Georg

Error 1: There is nothing wrong with changing your opinion, if you realize, you have been wrong, isn't it?

Error 2: Metal is not Stoner Rock.

Do I sound pretentious? I guess so. At least I remain polite.

I had to wait until October of 2003 to get an answer, but it was worth it (in a twisted sense).

-------------------------

sorry you fuzzy foreigner, i didnt realize that you were the be-all-end-all authority on music genres.

high on fire, not stoner rock? what are they then? country-hip-hop-folk rock? you amaze me with your vast

knowledge of all things musical. high on fire don't win the high times cannibis cup for stoner rock every

year for nothing you know. high times do not award their pick for stoner rock band of the year

to...metallica...but i digress as you probably have some kind of european school-boy crush on metallica

like everyone else in the uk. ooo metallica ooo they are sooo metal...yup, you are a moron...

how about nebula? nope, not stoner rock ENOUGH for ole georgie-boy.

yeah youre right again old chap. stoner rock is dead. so is metal, new age, rap and gospel.

in fact, i think all music is dead cuz i, like you and apparently the one or two retards in alaska that read

your golden words, believe everything we read. long live the printed word.

you mum must be proud...

this is kinda comical, ya know.

me

He has a point there. Who am I to say what is or is not stoner rock? I got the same right to say that as anybody,

slowpoke included. But there are some non-music-related points that I found even more interesting:

-------------------------

Hi me,

where ever did you get the idea from, that I am from the UK? Because I speak English? See, some people

are smart enough to learn a second language. Or did you get the idea from the signature I send with

every email that says "Austria"? At least you got the continent right.

What is your problem with foreigners? But you are aware of the fact that most people on earth are

foreigners? Well, since you live on planet stoner rock, there isn't much more you need to know.

The "high times cannibis (sic!) cup for stoner rock" - that is really funny. And High On Fire really

win "every year"? - what more proof do I need that stoner rock is dead? A band that is not stoner

rock wins the championship of stoner rock every year! That means there is absolutely nothing new happening

in this genre, which means: it is dead as a doornail.

Actually, I don't even care about stoner rock. But I am starting to like you. Let's be friends.

Georg Cracked

P.S.: New Age is really gone and I guess this is finally one point where the two of us can agree:

that is a good thing.

The next time he answers I will give him the opportunity to write an article on all things cool and alive in "Stoner

Rock" and I promise to publish it without cutting anything. Then, hopefully, this episode will end.

If you want to add anything, please write to me at cracked69@hotmail.com. I always like to hear from you.

And, slowpoke, wherever you are - don't be sad, I still love you.

one little Pokemon called slowpoke -->