COMEBACKS OF R.O.M.F.W.B.T.* - WHO’S NEXT IN LINE?

*) really old musicians from way back then

Shortly after Rick Rubin revived Johnny Cash from the living dead – for which I will be thankful always and forever – and the first “American Recordings”-album (which back then went as “untitled” in every catalogue, but anyway…) a lot of people still scorned and snouted at the idea of really old musicians from way back then making new, hip records. Around that time Burt Bacharach had a comeback that went straight to MTV. And when the true genius of the Cash / Rubin – collaborations finally became household common knowledge around hipsters worldwide, comebacks of really old musicians from way back then, started to grow like mushrooms after three days of rain in mid-summer.

On the one hand, I am truly thankful for that. In a time, when the release of a new album one year after the last one is called a comeback, despite a year of constant touring, promotions, interviews and recording, it is fine to see some of the old stars get a second chance – and the young generation get a second chance at the old stars. Jack White recording with Loretta Lynn and having a hitsingle with a cover-version of a Dolly Parton-hitsingle (“Jolene”) is okay with me. Forget that I have been listening to Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Tammy Wynette, Tanya Tucker, Roseanne Cash, Emmylou Harris, Dusty Springfield plus loads of others since I was twelve. I am happy as it is.

On the other hand, this “hype” of searching through the bins of who is still alive and willing, and then adorning him or her with a see-through cloak of hipsterness, is all too much for me. Being presented with James Last, the man responsible for invading living rooms all over mid-Europe with more-then-mediocre big band dance music, as a cool icon of retro (or whatever) is pushing it too far. This is pure marketing.

So I kicked back in my easy chair and gave it some thinking of who’s next in line and here it is. Moreover, it is the end of 2004 and everyone is making up lists of records and bands and so on, so why not this one: If some of those folks already have their comeback-album released, don’t push it on me too hard, I am merely jotting down stupid ideas here. But as Damon Albarn once said: as soon as an idea has been spoken out, it will eventually come true. And that is true for ideas only thought of and never put to word as well. Here we go – in no special order:

ROGER WHITTAKER

Why the heck not? He is old, he plays the acoustic guitar, he has a voice some people say is akin to that of the singer of The Tindersticks. He even had a hit with “Dirty Old Town” which The Pogues also had a hit with. There are various folk-records, Irish-records even a broadway-record in his discography, so as long as the fotos are black and white and he keeps fingers of those songs with german lyrics, this is a no-brainer.

HOT DOGS

A tricky one, because it is the ugliest kind of folkish music there is: Blasmusik. On the other hand, the lyrics to their greatest hit are by Karl Valentin and thinking about the kind of music DJ Ötzi makes his money with, this should be sell itself without blinking to the holiday-crowds in Mallorca and the alps. A stomping, stupid 4/4-techno-beat is required, though.

VANILLA ICE

Robert Van Winkle, the man who made being embarrassing a living. Actually, V-Ice, as he likes to call himself, hasn’t really been gone. At least in his own perception. He had a track on an album with the Bloodhound Gang, his third to last record had been produced by Ross Robinson (and flopped), his second to last record featured Chuck D, the insane Clown Posse and La The Darkman of Wu-Tang-fame (and flopped). His last record was called “Hot Sex” and goes for 9,98 $ on amazon.com. C’mon people, the Ice just had a bad start, is all – all he needs is a little support and some better marketing. Or a new job.

BOY GEORGE

I know, I know, Boy George – or rather Ol’ Geezer With Make-up George – is a renowned DJ in the London club scene. Great. But in our times of metrosexuals and the whole gay/bisexual/straight-sex irritation, we’d truly really need someone to put a cherry on top of the cream pie. I’d really like to see all those homo-bashing-teenagers dance to Boy George’s tunes – underplayed with breakbeats by V/VM.

TWISTED SISTER

I might be wrong and Twisted Sister are still around somewhere, headlining metal-festivals in a time-warp together with Def Leppard and Judas Priest. If not, they might get a second chance by playing acoustic versions of their old songs. Then I hear that their singer, Dee Snider, is now a radio-host somewhere and he might not want to endanger that great career-opportunity for a less promising one. Guess what, I remembered Twisted Sister when thinking about how much make-up Boy George was using.

All right, breathe deep. Right now, I can’t stand anymore any longer. I might add some more, if I get up to it. But this already is a nightmare come true.