THE OSBOURNES are good for the world

Surely you have seen the MTV-real-life-soap “The Osbournes” featuring metal-legend Ol’ Ozzy Osbourne and his strange family. They are famous and everyone talks about them. Well, there are some points that I like about this show, that I think haven’t been handed around so much, seem important to me. For instance, did you know that Bill Cosby doesn’t like the Osbournes? That’s one more reason to watch it.

I am just going to assume that you all, who read this, have seen enough episodes of the show to know what I am talking about. Do you remember those parts where Ozzy and his wife sit down with their kids to talk to them about drugs? Because they won’t allow any drugs in their home, but their fat son smokes weed and drinks alcohol. Well first, I don’t think that this guy is 21 already, and admitting to underage drug-abuse on US-American television is a good deed in itself. I always thought that it is stupid to let people drive cars when they are sixteen, but only serve them alcohol when they’ve turned 21. (And let them buy guns at any age…) It is better people get drunk first, and then when they know about drug abuse and being stoned, let them drive cars sober. Another point, I am not sure inhowfar someone could file a legal suit against the Osbournes for the illegal behaviour of their kids. The way the parents deal with this issue varies. While Ozzy himself tries to tell his kids how bad drugs are by pointing at himself – and he has become a rich, slightly imbecile couch-potato to be honest – the mother either tries to be stern and severe about the issue, or she threatens to pee into her sons whiskey-bottle. There are some pedagogues at work here, won’t you agree? All in all I guess that raising this issue on MTV is much better and more effective in the fight for reasonable drug-usage than any “stop the madness”-campaigns. And the viewers will learn something about drugs, even if it is stupid and wrong statistics such as cited by Jack that 80 % of all Americans smoke dope (I guess he got a little off by his surroundings).

Another great point is the spin-off celebrity that comes from the show onto the family and especially the way that MTV cashes in on this wave of fame and rides it. I guess you have heard the cover-version of Madonna’s “Papa don’t preach” by Kelly Osbourne. First, this is the perfect song for a 16 year old semi-celebrious girl to sing to her infamous father.

 Even though she keeps screaming on the same energy-level through this half-assed punkified version without much dynamics or change in style, this is the driving, energetic alternative rock-song you’ve come to expect from MTV.And, of course, the whole thing is completely generic, but since we are talking about pop-business here, the term “generic” is an advantage more than a disadvantage. Looking at the US-Top 40 in any week “generic” seems to be the most important term there. And that is the most important point that I like about Kelly Osbournes new stardom: A 16-year old, overweight, English girl with freakish make-up, a stupid hair-do and a shocking style in clothing stands right up there next to super-sex-bimbos such as Brittney Spears or Christina Aguilera. That is a good message for a lot of teenage girls there: you don’t have to look like a supermodel to be cool, you can chose your own style and have fun nonetheless. Or the other way round: the fat freak-girl can be a cool person also.

It would be interesting to know how many people watch the show out of a sense of identification and how many are purely interested in another freakshow? Me, personally, I find Ozzy extremely funny. He has a very dry sense of humour that feels as if he, on the one hand, has already finished with his life (after reaching everything he ever wanted) but, on the other hand, is still able to be amazed at the stupid ways the world presents itself every time. And then I envy him some: because most of the time he is laying on his couch doing nothing, relaxing, and letting the troubles of everyday life pass him by as much as he can. And that gives the world a funny show to watch. Which is way better than more billboard-advertisements or the falling of the rainforests.

P.S.: This was written in white ink on black background because Ozzy is still the master demon of hell (or whatever his official moniker was) so I guess this fits better.

P.P.S: Yes, sometimes I think, I am addicted to pop-news, TV and other low-brow-cultural flotsam, but then I think, that these parts of our cultural heritage are way more important to a lot more people than all the highbrow, intellectual stuff that it is also more important to learn about than, say, modern opera.

P.P.P.S: If you are adding a lot of post scriptas to your essay that means you haven't spent enough time thinking about your subject and structuring your text. That is true.

by Georg Cracked; August / 20002 while listening to various new hardcore-seven-inches.